Various Math + Software

1. What is set theory?

When there are five people in the room and seven are leaving, two will have to enter the room, so that it becomes empty.


2. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

3. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Godel and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.
Heisenberg looks around the bar and says, "Because there are three of us and because this is a bar, it must be a joke. But the question remains, is it funny or not?"
And Godel thinks for a moment and says, "Well, because we're inside the joke, we can't tell whether it's funny. We'd have to be outside looking at it."
And Chomsky looks at both of them and says, "Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong."

5.
# In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.
# C gives you enough rope to hang yourself. C++ also gives you the tree object to tie it to.
# Unix is user friendly. It's just very particular about who it's friends are.

4. Real software engineers...

* Real software engineers don't write applications programs, they implement algorithms.
* Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness.
* Real software engineers like C's structured constructs, but they are suspicious of it because they have heard that it lets you get "close to the machine."
* Real software engineers work from 9 to 5, because that is the way the job is described in the formal spec. Working late would feel like using an undocumented external procedure.

You Might Be a Physicist if...

You Might Be a Physicist if...

*
the water in your kettle is boiling at 373 Kelvin.
*
you know that the speed of light is 299,792.5 km/sec.
*
you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
*
you've already calculated how much you earn per second.
*
you are sure that differential equations are a very useful tool.
*
you are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
*
you know the size of the elctron, but don't know your own shirt size.
*
when you break a vase you blame the second law of thermodynamics.
*
you try to explain entropy to strangers at your table during casual dinner conversation.
*
you avoid stirring your coffee because you don't want to increase the entropy of the universe.
*
your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.
*
you're at a wine tasting event and find yourself paying more attention to the cork screws than the Chardonnay.
*
you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of an experiment that actually takes five minutes to run.

Physics Product Safety Campain

Manufacturers Should Provide consumers with all of the following labels:

WARNING: Due to its heavy mass, this product warps the space surrounding it. No health hazards are yet known to be associated with effect.

NOTE: This product may actually be nine-dimensional but, if this is the case, functionality is not affected by the extra six dimensions.

HEALTH WARNING: This product (and every product of the Manufacturer) emits low-level nuclear radiation.

NOTE: A subatomic "glue" holds the fundamental constituents of this product together. Since the exact nature of this glue is not yet fully understood, its adhesive power cannot be guaranteed. To date, no known malfunction of the product has resulted from glue failure.

DISCLAIMER: Manufacturer is not responsible for loss should this product disappear into a wormhole.

LIMITED WARRANTY: Despite the efforts of the Manufacturer, the chaos in this package has increased since being shipped. If such chaos has rendered the product defective, Buyer shall not hold Manufacturer responsible. Claims in this regard should be aimed directly at the Shipper.

NOTE: Despite its appearance, this product is more than 99.99% empty space.

READ THIS BEFORE OPENING: According to quantum theory, this product may collapse into another state if directly observed.

HANDLE WITH CARE: This product contains countless, minute, electrically charged particles moving at extremely high speeds.

EXTREME CAUTION: This product has an energy-equivalent that, if exploded, could destroy a small town. Under no circumstance shall a User perform a mass-energy transformation on any of the contents in this package. In case of misuse, liability shall rest entirely with the User.

GUARANTEED RETURN CLAUSE: Because of the uncertainty principle, we have shipped this product with a limited speed notice. However, if shippers have disregarded our notice, we cannot guarantee that all the contents are in the box. If you discover missing components, please call the 1-800 number on the instruction sheet.

IMPORTANT: This product is composed of 100% matter: It is the responsibility of the User to make sure that it does not come in contact with antimatter. Under no circumstances will the Manufacturer be liable for User mishandling in this regard.

QUALITY STANDARD: The electrons, protons and neutrons are guaranteed to be of same quality as those used in other products of the Manufacturer.

DISAPPEARANCE EXCLUSION: Due to quantum tunneling, there is an extremely tiny chance that this product may suddenly disappear at any time (and reappear elsewhere). The Manufacturer will not be responsible for such mysterious disappearances.

AS REQUIRED BY LAW, we must inform you that any use of this product increases the amount of disorder in the universe. As of the date shipped, Congress has not passed any bills assigning a tax on disorder pollution.

USE LIMITATION: This product cannot be guaranteed to function normally near a black hole.