short math jokes

1. Q: What does the zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt!


2.
In Zimbabwe, due to inflation, pi has shot to 3,142,000 from 3.142 !!!


3. Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
A: I've told you n times, if i tell you n+1 times...


4. "Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague.
"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General
Calculus was a Roman war hero...

5. Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a zebra.
A: Elephant zebra sin theta

6.
A mathematician organizes a lottery in which the prize is an infinite amount of money. When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment: "1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that..."

7.
When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."

8.
A constant function and e^x are walking on Broadway. Then suddenly the constant function sees a differential operator approaching and runs away. So e^x follows him and asks why the hurry. "Well, you see, there's this differential operator coming this way, and when we meet, he'll differentiate me and nothing will be left of me...!" "Ah," says e^x, "he won't bother ME, I'm e to the x!" and he walks on. Of course he meets the differential operator after a short distance.
Exponent x : "Hi, I'm e^x"
differrential operator: "Too bad, I'm d/dy"


9.
"The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again."


10.
The limit as 3 tends to 4 of 3^2 is 16.


11.
A woman in a bar tries to pick up a mathematician.
"How old, do you think, am I?" she asks coyly.
"Well - 18 by that fire in your eyes, 19 by that glow on your cheeks, 20 by that radiance of your face, and adding that up is something you can probably do for yourself..."

12.
"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?"
"She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me."
"I don't believe that she cheated on you!"
"Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."

13.
TWO sodium atoms are walking from a VCT. All of a sudden, one stops and turns to its friend looking worried:

Na(1)- "Oh No... I think I've lost an Electron!"
Na(2)- "What... are you sure?"
Na(1)- "Yes, I'm Positive!"