The Big Bang Theory

1.
Penny: I'm a Sagittarius which probably tells you way more than you need to know...
Sheldon: Yes... it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relevant to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.
Penny: Participate in the what?


2.
Sheldon: Penny, i want u to clarify something since there will be a discussion when you leave. Do you solely reject our presense in ur apartment last night or do you also reject the imposition of a new organizational paradigm?
Penny: (dumbfounded and speachless leaves the room)

3.
Penny: am sure it must be some little misunderstanding
Sheldon: a little misunderstanding? galileo and the pope had a 'little' misunderstanding

4.
Missy: "That's because you don't have a measureable sense of humor, Shelly!"
Sheldon: "How would one exactly measure a sense of humor? A humor-mometer?"

5.
Penny: (after seeing Leonard and Sheldon without pants) I'm so sorry. I really thought if you guys went instead of me, he wouldn't be such an ass.
Leonard: No, it was a valid hypothesis.
Sheldon: That, "was a valid hypo"—what is happening to you?


6.
Sheldon: I can't believe he fired me.
Leonard: Well, you did call him a "glorified high school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts."
Sheldon: In my defense, I prefaced that with, "with all due respect."

7.
(at the high-IQ sperm bank, discussing committing genetic fraud)
Sheldon: What if she ends up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve for the area under a curve?
Leonard: I'm sure she'll still love him.
Sheldon: I wouldn't.

8. (while cleaning Penny's sitting room)
Sheldon to Leornard: "explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid."

9.
"I don't know your odds in the world as a whole, but as far as the population of this car goes, you're a veritable mac daddy."


10.
Leonard: So Penny is a little messy..
Sheldon: A little messy ? The person who setup complex numbers was a little messy. This is chaos!!


11.
Howard: Sheldon, if you were a robot, and I knew and you didn't, would you want me to tell you?
Sheldon: That depends. When I learn that I'm a robot, will I be able to handle it?
Howard: Maybe, although the history of science fiction is not on your side.
Sheldon: Uh, let me ask you this: when I learn that I'm a robot, will I be bound by Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics?
Raj: You might be bound by them right now.
Howard: That's true, have you ever harmed a human being, or through inaction, allowed a human being to come to harm?
Sheldon: Of course not.
Raj: Have you ever harmed yourself or let yourself to be harmed except in cases where a human being would've been endangered?
Sheldon: Well, no.
Howard: I smell robot.
(Leonard walks in)
Leonard: What's going on around here?
Sheldon: The internet's been down for half an hour.
Raj: Also, Sheldon might be a robot.